In Dreams We Speak Truth
by gracezodiac
Summary: Modern AU. How long can Arthur deny his true feelings? Can Merlin help him realise the truth? Boy x Boy kissing. Merthur. Don't like, don't read.


**In Dreams We Speak Truth**

Reality. In your dreams you try to escape it, but it is merely another cruel deception. It twists and changes while the truth seeps in through the cracks of darkness that make up this madness. Your dreams, they pain you, Oh Arthur how they do. He's there isn't he? And you're there too. Wrapped up in the comforting warmth the other radiates; there's no one to stop this.

Words escape you as you try to speak, but are they really needed? In such a situation, you know they're not. 'Tis only a dream, after all. The two of you dance in delightful sin, frowned upon by your father. His painful words dissipate, leaving you free of his wrath. You know he couldn't understand this feeling; and what a feeling it is. You've never known such joy, such wonder. You're encompassed by forbidden beauty.

Oh but this is fading rapidly, it can't last forever. You claw at the fringes of this tainted truth, screaming his name. He's leaving Arthur, there's nothing you can do. The snapping back to this place, as you jolt up, shouldn't hurt… It shouldn't shatter your fragile heart, but it does. Yet again you feel the dull throbbing pain lurking inside of you, as it crawls under your skin. Cold chills of the air remind you of the ice this place brings. As you look down, you notice the glistening sweat, which caresses your trembling body. It's just another part of the cycle; Just another day to face. In reality.

One, two, three. Pause. One two. Arthur recognised the childish knock sounding from the front door. Who else could it have been after all? Smiling from ear to ear, the memory was fond to him. At the time they hadn't been friends for that long, just two innocent children, with their childish passwords for friendships and secret codes. This was one of them of course.

"_Suppose somebody came knockin' at the tree house… and it wasn't me… what if it wa' a murderer? And you answered the door and 'e killed ya!"_

_Resting in a field, the sun shining down on their faces, peace settled between the two boys. Stopping his observations of the grass, Arthur looked up at Merlin. His eyes looked gold in this light. Like magic. _

"_Then I'd be dead wouldn't I?"_

"_We should 'ave a knock… you know. So we know that it's just us!"_

_He giggled. And then it was settled. _

One would think that the two boys would have grown out of that long ago, but in reality, they never did. And if he was honest with himself, Arthur would admit that Merlin's childish antics made him happy. But he's not honest; especially not to himself. The door pulled open to reveal the always grinning man of his sinful dreams. Arthur didn't dare move, let alone speak. Fear had taken over his body, clouding his thoughts, and his sense of security. Would he lose control? It seemed that he didn't have a choice in this matter, for Merlin had already acted. His gentle arms closed around Arthur's broad frame, enveloping him in a warm hug.

"You're so muscly Arthur! Hell, I feel so scrawny compared to you. Ugh, I'm all gangly. Well I suppose one of us had to be the good looking one."

"No. Don't ever think that. You're… you're… more feminine that's all! I mean, those cheekbones… women would kill for them."

"Humph! Prat!"

Of course he didn't mean it. Over the years, it had just become affectionate; merely a normal part of their friendly banter. Merlin was still smiling after all. It was one of his endearing qualities, which drew people to him time and time again. The comfort that he brought was slowly destroying the fear which was trying desperately to cling to Arthur. However it was no use. He visibly relaxed and brought him inside, taking him up to his bedroom. He was staying the night.

_Oh… Oh god…_

He was staying the night…

"_Will we always be friends?"_

_The question shook him to the bone. Of course they'd always be friends, how could he not see that?_

"_What makes you say that?"_

"_It's just that… well everybody likes you more than me. And they're cooler than me… I thought maybe you might want to hang around with them…"_

_They were in the field again, sun beating down upon them. Out here boundaries melted away, leaving just two little boys; the best of friends. Arthur leaned over and took his friend's hand in his._

"_I promise that we'll always be friends. Nobody can ever replace you."_

It was an oath he'd stuck to all his life. Feelings had been replaced, they were so much deeper now than before; but the undeniable bond between them was stronger than anyone could ever possibly imagine. The distant sun was starting to set now, and the world cast in the twilight zone. Deep reds thrown like a blanket over the sky, with hints of purple hiding at the sides. Reality wasn't all that bad, sometimes. On occasion, it would provide such beautiful sights, as the one Arthur was witnessing now. Fortunately for him, it came every day. And then of course, the wonder that is the simplicity of a boy. But if you asked Arthur to describe him, he wouldn't be just 'a boy'. He'd be an angel. A miracle sent down to live with the mortal soldiers of life. But you won't ask him. And he would never answer.

"Arthur? Is everything alright?"

He was drawing again. Sounds of graphite scratching away at the white paper gave it away. Arthur had seen what he could do. The scenes… oh they were magnificent. Merlin drew of dragons, knights and castles of long, long ago. One time, he'd drawn a king sitting upon his throne, smiling. That had been a birthday present. Apparently the king was Arthur. He'd never understood how he held such an influential position in his mind. Merlin had just smiled.

"M'fine. What you drawing this time?"

"Nothing…"

"Show me!"

"Nu-uh!"

He stuck his tongue out; childish. But Arthur found it oddly endearing, and the urge to smile fought its way to the surface. He knew how this would end, after all, its how it always had. Straddling his waist, ignoring the dark urges his brain screamed at him, he tickled him until he had to surrender. Without much strength, he pulled the book out of Merlin's hands and allowed his eyes to take a greedy gaze on what the masterpiece of today was. What he saw, was not what he expected.

His eyes were bulging. I mean, it was truly brilliant, but… the actual drawing before him… it was them. Of course he'd drawn them before, but never like this. The pastel colours showed them standing in a lake, it must have been dark, but there were this glowing blue lights surrounding them. Holding hands, tightly it seemed. The piercing look in their eyes was… he found he couldn't describe it. Not with words he would have liked to use, for he just couldn't. And if he was honest, he'd admit that the picture sent shivers down his spine, and made him more happy than he'd ever been. But don't you remember? He's not honest at all. Foreign words fell underneath the picture.

"What do they mean?"

"P-please don't…"

"Merlin. I need to know. Please tell me."

"It's Latin. For soul mate…"

Silence hung in the air, along with the shallow breath of the two boys. It couldn't be real, don't you see? This was reality. The dreams… they were only dreams. But sometimes, you tell yourself a lie so that you'll believe it. Why do we do that? Self respect? Pity? No. This was all built on fear. At the very core of Arthur, denying himself, denying everything. Refusing happiness because it went against everything he'd been taught. He was so scared. He wouldn't survive, can't you see? His father, he would destroy him; crush him, and force him into denial. But Merlin… He couldn't break his heart; he wouldn't. He would be a fool to do so.

A gentle hand caressing his face broke him from the internal war raging inside of him. Heart caught in his throat, fear seizing up his movements, all he could do was watch. Merlin crawled out from underneath him, running his fingers through his hair. The comfort battled the fear, the fear battled the hope, and the hope… It united with the raw emotion he'd been denying for so long. It united with the love. Gazing into those gentle blue orbs, he drew his face closer to Merlin. New emotions coursed through his body, the adrenaline rush of the possibility of being caught… it was so powerfully exciting. They took one last gaze into each others eyes, a confirmation of sorts. Then the next moment their lips were touching. If magic were to exist, Arthur would say this was it. Never before in his life had he felt so joyous and safe. Everything that wasn't important, everything apart from Merlin faded away; it was meaningless. He felt love; a love like never before. He pulled himself closer to Merlin, not leaving a gap between them. He realised in this euphoria, who decides what's right or what's wrong? And he realised that he didn't give a damn any more. The deep fear that once relished inside of him had been destroyed, and replaced with something so much more powerful; and he'd never felt more alive.

Looking down from the stars, the gentle moon shines in through a window, to behold a magnificent view. You're finally happy now aren't you? Your thoughts, they dwell upon such beautiful things. Everything that swirls inside your head, it's all correct Arthur. Never let anything prevent you from your happiness. In time to come you'll have to explain to your father, which will be hard; but he'll always love you. But for now I'll protect you from here, and send my unconditional love; your watchful guardian among the distant stars. After all, what are mothers for?


End file.
